Designed, made, maintained and updated by Cameron Seddon for Bare Village
So then Knitted Santa, Christmas is on the way and you'll be busy delivering knitted products no doubt! How's tricks?
Mayhem like every year. My knitted wife is doing my knitted head in thumbing through Argos catalogues.
What about the reindeer? How's Rudolf doing with all his pals?
Oh they're doing absolutely GREAT! Everytime I buy a decent bottle of sherry or brandy from The Wineyard it mysteriously disappears... then I hear eight sets of hiccups coming from the stables! They think I don't know but I'm onto them, let me tell you. I'm onto them 'big style'.
Remind us all again of their names.
Comet and Currys and Dixons, John Menzies,
Asda and Tesco and Mr McKenzies.
Terrific! Are they behaving themselves at all. We've heard that they can be a bit of a handful.
You're not wrong there matey boy. You have to be careful when you're getting them ready for deliveries. If you're not careful they can really give you a nasty kick right in the middle of your daily duties.
It Is there not a safer way to protect yourself?
Yes. Amazon.co.uk... Honestly, I'm doing all my orders on the internet next year. Either that or getting my knitted missus to nip to Home Bargains. They had that game 'Twister' there for a fiver and we both have a game of it before bedtime. I think it's great but she says that it's nothing like the film.
What's your favourite gift?
The gift of love is always a winner. Either that or gift vouchers as they're easier to wrap. If it's a game then I'd have to go for my wife's favourite; 'Operation'. It's not exactly E.R. but that's my wife's favourite TV programme and she likes to get the feel of it from the actor's point of view. She loves all that hospital stuff in E.R. especially when knitted George Clooney was in it!
Oh right. So is she a fan of Holby City at all?
No. She can't stand football.
Have you got Mrs Santa anything for Christmas already? We promise we won't tell a soul!
Well she did say a bit ago that she fancied something long and flowing so I've bought her a map of the River Lune. That should keep me in her good books unlike last year!
Go on. What happened?
She always complained to me that I never bought her the right things for Christmas so I thought that I'd at least make sure that she was happy last year! She always opens my present when I'm out on my deliveries and last year was no exception. I wrote a cheque for £1,000, put it in a card that said "GET YOUR OWN PRESENT THIS YEAR!" then wrapped it all in a massive box. I left it by the fire for her to open while I delivered presents to everyone around the world, safe in the knowledge that I could at least return for some 'nice presents' from her.
Genius! I bet you couldn't walk for a week!
I couldn't. I'd forgotten to put the cheque inside the card... I was doubled up over the New Year. Our Christmas dinner was cancelled and my sprouts were ruined.
At least you could've put the rest in the fridge for you to pick at over the holiday.
PLEASE can you change the subject?
Sorry. Final question... Have you any message for anyone out there wondering what to buy their loved ones this Christmas?
Yes. Flowers, facials, fragrance, flapjacks and flipping loads of gift vouchers galore. Love Local - Love Bare!
Massive thanks to Floss for making Knitted Santa, Knitted Lord Mayor and her non-stop charity work.
She's one of Bare's unsung heroes and we love her.
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